www.limbueytor.com

All good things must come to an end, I suppose. And I guess this is it.

This shall be the last and final post by me for limbueytor.com as I sell my soul to the corporate world.

Management decides to use me as poster boy for all our upcoming media events; for the simple reason that they cannot find another employee who looks like Andy Lau than I do. For that reason, it would be inappropriate for me to continue blog and admit to the world how stupid and incapable a person I am.

See if you can spot me in newspapers, business news channels, and business magazines in coming months.

For those who have no idea how I look like. Think Andy Lau.

Goodbye. And God Bless!

Before I start, I must emphasis that both this site owner and the author of this article recognize the fact that smoking kills. You must never pick up smoking if you have not, and you should quit smoking if you are a smoker.

I started smoking during my national service days. I pick up smoking because a vending machine sits beside the yellow box. And we are not allowed near it unless you are a smoker and during smoking break. The only way I can have access to a can of ice cold Coke after a meal is to be a smoker. Hence, smoker I became.

I didn’t stop smoking after I graduated from Basic Military Training school, because yellow box is the only place in the army camp that I can ‘relax one corner’ in, and a place to talk cock sing song with my campmate from the Navy, Army, and Joint Staff division. And I have a lot of friends from the other divisions.

Cigarettes were cheap in Australia when I was studying there, and as an avid bowler, smoking is one great way to mingle with other bowlers before, during, and after a bowling league game or competition.

How to quit smoking when almost all my colleagues and most of my brudders, sistas, buddies, and friends smoke, you tell me. A stick of Marlboro always clam my nerves after downing a rock glass of whisky thick thick water bit bit concoction, and prepares me for my next five-ten game.

Years of being a smoker make this bad habit hard to kick. I continue to smoke even though no one in the head office I’m working in, smokes. But I must say, I get to know a lot of smokers working in other companies in the same building during my smoke break session.

Because of smoking, I now got an Indian friend who works on level 6 in the building, who always have cigarette with him but without lighter. He always goes around borrowing ‘a light’ from other smokers, and that’s how I get to know him. A lawyer friend who will come down to the building’s smokers corner once in awhile and tell us how ugly divorce(s) can get and how Singapore Women’s Charter is unfair to man. A bunch of finance analyst friends who find every woman that walk pass ‘screwable’. A Korean friend who has so strong a Korean accent, that until now I still have no idea what he tries to tell me. And an Ah Lian friend who calls me ‘brother’ and asks me the same old stupid question of ‘sio hun kee arh’ every time she sees me.

Smoking although bad, but has enlarge my social circle.

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What does Ah Beng like me know about makeup. A lot. Makeup like beer, help ugly people have sex. And you got to trust me when I tell you I know a lot about beer. I drink them by the jars. But sadly, I never get laid, for two simple facts. One, none of the girls I hang out with is ugly. Two, they don’t drink beer, even if they do, they don’t drink enough to turn me into Brad Pitt.

When a tall, fair, and pretty lady (boys, in case you’re wondering she’s attached) friend of mine informed me about her latest venture – The Skin Boutique Singapore – I thought I should share some information with you.

Julie Hewett Los Angeles products have been used in many major motion pictures including American Beauty, Spiderman 2, Oceans 11, 12 and 13. Currently Julie Hewett Los Angeles products are also used on Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty, Dancing with the Stars, The Ghost Whisperer and many more.

Unless you’re prettier than those women in the above mentioned movie or television series, you should seriously consider using Julie Hewett Los Angeles products to enhance your already pretty face.

The Skin Boutique is the exclusive distributor for Singapore. Please visit their website: http://www.theskinboutique.com.sg/ to view the products available. Or you can shop online or visit their showroom located at 21 Club Street #02-09 (opp. Far East Square, above Senso Restaurant). For more information, kindly email them at info@theskinboutique.com.sg

P/S: Neither this website nor author of this article is affiliated to either The Skin Boutique Singapore or Julie Hewett Los Angeles. Therefore, there is no reason why you should not trust what I wrote.

My latest social work assignment is to help an intellectually disabled person familiarize his journey to work. To make sure I don’t create any unnecessary confusion for him, I board the bus from the bus interchange taking me to his work place - a day before my assignment - to familiarize myself with the route.

The bus I was on was so pack during the after working hours, I reckon that probably the sardines have more space in a can that we do on that bus.

As I stand up and give up my seat to a pregnant lady (who I suspect is on some secret mission to single handily repopulate Singapore) towing her two young children, I suggested to the teenage boy sitting beside me to do like wise. His respond: ‘why should I?’

Nabeh Cheebye. Ah Lim is not happy. Am so unhappy that I almost nearly want to No Shadow Kick him in between his legs.

Lucky for him its criminal offence to intentionally cause harm to a person’s body, if not he probably will never get an erection in his this life time from yesterday evening onwards.

God is great and His power lives in us.

It is no secret, and I don’t hide the fact that I nearly almost have to work in Burger King to grill burger to earn a living not too very long ago. When everything I got involved in went down south – down to South Pole and beyond.

I had doubts, when mom suggested to me that I should believe in God and have faith in Him like she does. Since I done everything there was possibly for me to do, and situations only got worst, I took her advice and went church with her.

My faith in God grew as I attend church with my parents every Sunday. I pray to God to help me breakthrough all work related problems.

Miracle appears. We got awarded with the project we had been working our arses off on, that so many huge companies tried to get their hands on, but failed. God not only blesses us with the concession, he makes sure we find what we are looking for, and plenty of it. With his blessing, I now head a team of top experts on a project many top notch mining companies would kill for.

And when my career stabilizes, I start to get greedy. I pray to God for a person to share my life with. Someone who is pretty, sexy, not shy to admit to the world that she is dating an Ah Beng like me, like dogs and kids, and can get along well with my mom.

I kept on praying, even though, for months he did not answer my prayers. I start to reduce my criteria, as the month passes. Hoping to make life easier for Him, so that I can have my prayer answered a little sooner.

I took the ‘pretty’ out of my criteria list after the first month, ‘sexy’ out of the list on second month, ‘not shy to admit to the world that she is dating an Ah Beng like me’ out on third month, ‘like dogs and kids’ out on fourth month. Then I told God, ‘ching cai lah, as long as not man can already’ on the fifth month. And Tigress appears. My first reaction, when I found out she was single, is, Praise the Lord. Not only did God find me a girl that fulfils every single of my criteria, he over delivers. Tigress is so damn close with my mom, that they now gang up together to tekan me.

Just when I thought life can never be greater, God surprises me once more.

We’ve been working for months on our reports and planned two weeks ago to release it today. This morning, hours before we release our reports to the world, gold price touched the magic USD$1,000/oz number for the first time in human history. Imagine the positive impacts.

Praise the Lord!

My first reaction when Tigress told me, that, she wanted us to go watch the movie The Leap Years together was: ‘WHAT THE FUCK! No way I’m going to go watch a movie that evolves around a girl meeting a boy once every four years’. And I nearly almost got a slap from Tigress after I told her: ‘if meeting once every four years is your idea of romantic, I don’t mind us meeting once every four years, you know’.

I used every delay tactics available to Ah Beng kind, in attempt to avoid catching that movie. But I know I can run all I want but there is no way I can hide. I know I have to go buy the tickets for the movie and watch it with her, when she mentioned it for the third time yesterday morning.

I was sure my predication of me falling asleep in the cinema as the story of a girl meeting a boy once every 29th February develops will materialize, right at the beginning; the moment the girls in the movie start talking about marrying guys who are as handsome as Tom Cruise, fights like Jackie Chan, and as rich as Sultan of Brunei.

Which girl in their correct mind not want to marry someone who is as handsome as Tom Cruise, fights like Jackie Chan, and as rich as Sultan of Brunei. I’m sure Tigress (like all the girls in the world) had that same dream. But look.What kind of guy she ends up with. Me. One Ah Beng who look more like the cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants than human, nearly almost lost one of my nipples the last time I fought, and is poorer than Sultan of Brunei’s poorest servant.

I adjust my body to fit the contour of the cinema’s seat getting ready to take a nap, right after the scene when Wong Li Lin wrote the note proposing a date to a stranger and turns up for the date. ‘Where got chio bu write note date stranger out in real life, one’ was my immediate reaction. The one and only time a girl wrote a note suggesting we should go catch a movie together, turn out to be no where near Wong Li Lin, was no less than 200lbs , and had arm larger than my thighs.

And I got charged in court for littering when I threw a piece of paper out of my window with my wish written on it.

Thank God I didn’t fall asleep. Not only did I not fall asleep, I found myself enjoying the movie. So much so that I’m not shy to admit that the movie nearly almost made me tear a little when Joan Chen wrote the OK letters on the hospital glass panel towards the end of the movie.

If any of my guy friend asks me what I think about the movie, I’d tell them ‘it is better to have watched then hate than to not have watched at all’.

The only reason why I have not been updating my blog, is because I had not done anything significant that is worth mentioning, of late.

I’ve not been out drinking for the longest time, as a result I have no drinking story to tell.

I don’t dare to speak a word more than necessary to any girls (for the fear of losing my dick), hence I have no sian char bor story to tell.

I’ve have not gone out to sea to fishing even before gold cross the USD$850/oz psychological price barriers, therefore I have no fishing story to tell.

And since the absolute authority ordered me to stop driving for a period of 18months, I have no more driving story to tell.

I’m a lousy blogger, I know.

Having a girlfriend who is as strict and fierce as Tiger, and threatens to chop my dick into a thousand pieces and feed to a thousand different dogs, should she finds out I go astray. Means there is nothing much I can do, except go office (do work, go lunch with buddies, eat snake), come home (watch television programs switch to watch CNBC and Bloomberg frequently to check on the latest financial news and commodities prices, while playing my favourite online game), then sleep. And the cycle repeats.

To be honest, I’m not worried I’d lose my dick some day. I worry Tigress will be disappointed when she cannot achieve her one thousand pieces quota.

I really don’t see how she can get a thousand pieces out of such tiny lump of muscle. Not even with the most sophisticated mincing machine, I reckon.